CNN Headline News

Hey kids- I'm right under your bed!


BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A newly promoted associate of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was arrested in Iraq on Saturday, the U.S. military reported, while elsewhere, two suicide car bombings and a drive-by shooting killed at least 14 people in separate incidents.

According to unnamed sources, the terror tycoon's trusted sidekick was actually promoted after being captured by U.S. forces. Formerly an innocent civilian, the lucky man was promoted to the rank of "Zarqawi Lieutenant" ahead of several unnamed masked terrorists by the Pentagon's Office of Special Plans.

This comes as good news to the Bush/Cheney campaign which has seen a tightening of the race in recent days amidst criticism of the Bush Administration's handling of the war on terror and the war in Iraq.

As a precautionary measure, Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has raised the Terror Alert level to Orange. Because he can.