Why I Like Living Here

I like living here because it's not New York. New York is a vortex of pretension. New York is a urine stained sidewalk behind a velvet rope, behind a velvet rope, behind a velvet rope. It's a line outside a velvet rope waiting to go view a piece of urine stained sidewalk, hanging on a wall, that is so expensive it has no price tag. New York is anxiety.

My town is the guy who thought he was waiting on line for something else, got tired of waiting, ordered a drink, drank it, realized how much it cost and that he couldn't afford it, ordered another one anyway, had to go to the bathroom, went to six or seven places, hat in hand, asking politely if he could "use their restroom," was rudely denied, finally got tired of it, whipped out his dick and pissed on the sidewalk while waiting on line outside the velvet rope to see the piece of urined stained sidewalk hanging on a wall that was so expensive it had no price tag.