Pres. Bush Calls Peterson Conviction A "Victory" In War On Terror

"You can run but you can't hide"

President Bush today in remarks to the White House press pool called the Scott Peterson conviction a "major victory" in the War On Terror. "I said after Sept. the 11th that uhh... th-that- Peterson would be brought... to justice."

The Peterson conviction also marks the first conviction for former Attorney General John Ashcroft in his broad sweep of terror suspects.

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney had to get the oil changed in his heart this weekend. The Veep usually checks in about four times a year to get his valves lubed and his ventricles primed.

Doctors reported that Cheney would surely live because Hell just isn't big enough for him and Yasser Arafat right now.

Asked by reporters how he felt about his son's conviction, Scott Peterson's father George Peterson replied strangely, "Rooney, you sir are an asshole!"