Transcript: An Actual Conversation

ME: Yeah, uhh... I have this charge on my checking balance and I have no idea what it is.

WOMAN: Ok, let me just verify some information... your name etc...

ME: So can you tell me what it is?

WOMAN: Sir, Web Transaction Services handles over 10,000 website's transactions.

ME: Okay, but if I give you my account number can you tell me which one specifically?

WOMAN: What is your checking account #?

ME: ------------------

(This was all on speakerphone)

WOMAN: password scores; username p-u-s-s-y.

ME: Sorry, I didn't get that.

WOMAN: (louder) password scores; username p-u-s-s-y.

ME: I -uh, It's not clear can you say it again?

WOMAN: (even louder) PASSWORD SCORES; USERNAME P-U-S-S-Y!

ME: I'm not deaf it's just not clear what you're saying-

WOMAN: Well sir, take me off speaker phone.

ME: Okay.

WOMAN: The password is SCORES; username PUSSY (this time she pronounced it instead of spelling it). The website is ASIANPORN.COM, is that something you've used?

ME: (indignant) Absolutely not!

WOMAN: That's not familiar to you SCORES/PUSSY/ASIAN PORN? on Oct. 8?

ME: (suddenly remembering a very drunken night) No.

WOMAN: Well I'll cancel it, but you'll have access until Dec. 22nd.

ME: Thanks.

THIS POOR WOMAN WAS SHOUTING "SCORES PUSSY" OVER AND OVER AGAIN OVER MY SPEAKERPHONE AND I HONESTLY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE WAS SAYING. NEEDLESS TO SAY IT WAS A LITTLE EMBARRASSING.

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS!