Kenny Loggins Deported

In yet another exclusive, The Breakfast has learned that the U.S. State Department has quietly undertaken deportation proceedings against 70's and 80's crooner Kenny Loggins.

Officials say they cannot officially comment on the situation because of the Bush Administration's policy of not commenting on ongoing investigations. Privately however, they say Loggins is being held in a secure undisclosed location where he is being questioned over possible terrorist connections.

Airport security was ramped up last month after Cat Stevens was nearly able to enter the country. After a random search of intra-agency databases churned out the name "Kenny Loggins al-Tikriti", authorities moved swiftly to detain the troubled troubadour.

Once described as "the working man's Richard Marx" these latest events mark a stunning fall from grace for the singer. Loggins had recently hit a career high note with his "Kenny Loggins On Ice" special which aired last Sunday on NBC.

Asked if any "unorthodox" interrogation techniques were being used to extract intelligence from Loggins, officials were privately candid.

"Who the fuck cares if he's being tortured, he tortured us for years with his shitty music." Another official expressed exasperation at the pace of interrogations. "Usually when we catch one of these guys we lock'em in a room and play 'Footloose' over and over again until they cough it up. Obviously that wasn't gonna work in this situation."

SecDef Filowitz is busy fact checking the history of the Astrodome and congratulating himself on getting mentioned in some fifth rate online sports column and could not be reached for a comment.