Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Hillary
Not only is she not gonna sit at home and bake cookies, she bakes cookies -at home (supposedly). Not only is she not some stand-by-your-man kind of girl, she stood by her man. Not only is she for THE WAR, she's against it. How'd she do that?
Look, somebody's got to run the plantation, it might as well be someone who knows how to wield the business end of a whip.
The only thing I can't understand is how the Girlie-Men (Democrats) could not center their every resource and effort around getting that -as Newt Gingrich's mom famously called her- "bitch" elected.
Let's face it, she's the only Democrat with a prayer of winning the next presidential election (if we have one).
Why? Because the Democrats have a serious manliness problem. A male Democratic presidential candidate just can't help losing the "manliness" battle to his Republican counterpart. Democrats always want to "pull out" (the troops) while Republicans want to stay and "finish the job." The Democrats are like that "nice" guy in "The Accused" who plays video games and feels guilty but does nothing while Jodie Foster gets raped, while the Republicans are like that guy yelling "One-Two-Three-Four!!"
But Hillary on the other hand contrasts beautifully with the John Wayne-ishness of the Republicans. Due to primal instincts and cable news it's virtually impossible for two male candidates to avoid getting into a pissing contest. But there'd be no real way for the pundits to distill a presidential election between Hillary and a presumably male Republican into a who'd-you-rather-have-a-beer-with gunfight. Consequently, the Republican candidate would be forced to talk about actual ISSUES or risk looking like a chauvinist ass. That puts the ball squarely in the Democrats court. Because if there's one thing they know it's their goddamn issues.
P.S. Here's a few Pre-Buttals to possible objections you may be tempted to raise.
1. She would kick the shit out Condi Rice.
2. She's smart, experienced, thick skinned and pragmatic.
3. She's the only Democrat who's full of shit enough to win.
3. I don't give a shit if she's not liberal enough. I'm not hoping for 40 acres and a mule. My entire support of Hillary is based on an imaginary contract stating that she can say or do damn near anything to win, so long as she wins. I'm assuming that by winning she will at least wrangle the nation off of our current course of self-destructive Orwellian/Hitleresque insanity.
Look, somebody's got to run the plantation, it might as well be someone who knows how to wield the business end of a whip.
The only thing I can't understand is how the Girlie-Men (Democrats) could not center their every resource and effort around getting that -as Newt Gingrich's mom famously called her- "bitch" elected.
Let's face it, she's the only Democrat with a prayer of winning the next presidential election (if we have one).
Why? Because the Democrats have a serious manliness problem. A male Democratic presidential candidate just can't help losing the "manliness" battle to his Republican counterpart. Democrats always want to "pull out" (the troops) while Republicans want to stay and "finish the job." The Democrats are like that "nice" guy in "The Accused" who plays video games and feels guilty but does nothing while Jodie Foster gets raped, while the Republicans are like that guy yelling "One-Two-Three-Four!!"
But Hillary on the other hand contrasts beautifully with the John Wayne-ishness of the Republicans. Due to primal instincts and cable news it's virtually impossible for two male candidates to avoid getting into a pissing contest. But there'd be no real way for the pundits to distill a presidential election between Hillary and a presumably male Republican into a who'd-you-rather-have-a-beer-with gunfight. Consequently, the Republican candidate would be forced to talk about actual ISSUES or risk looking like a chauvinist ass. That puts the ball squarely in the Democrats court. Because if there's one thing they know it's their goddamn issues.
P.S. Here's a few Pre-Buttals to possible objections you may be tempted to raise.
1. She would kick the shit out Condi Rice.
2. She's smart, experienced, thick skinned and pragmatic.
3. She's the only Democrat who's full of shit enough to win.
3. I don't give a shit if she's not liberal enough. I'm not hoping for 40 acres and a mule. My entire support of Hillary is based on an imaginary contract stating that she can say or do damn near anything to win, so long as she wins. I'm assuming that by winning she will at least wrangle the nation off of our current course of self-destructive Orwellian/Hitleresque insanity.
posted by El Bozo at 4:16 AM
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