I'm Completely Heterosexual

I was on my way to Florida the other day, driving in my diapers, when I heard the news that Pastor Ted Haggard announced that he is "completely heterosexual." After three years of paying a male masseur for sex and crystal meth, in just three short weeks he's seen the light. I'm still waiting for Anderson Cooper to make a similar announcement.

"Tonight live from New Orleans, I'M COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL, back to you Paula."

One thing about driving in diapers is that after you piss yourself it just kind of sits there and dribbles down your leg as you press the accelerator or the brake. Luckily I stopped by Pastor Ted's place on the way down to pick up some crystal meth so I could stay awake for the ride.

Anyway, it was good to get out of Jersey, that state is full of fucking morons. More thoughts to follow...