Bird Flu Found In Turkey

Oh my god. What are we going to do about thanksgiving? Oh wait... you mean... the country? Oh I get it. We're still all going to die horrible agonizing deaths as our organs are liquified and bleed out of our orafices onto the lily-white death smocks of Christ-like nurses - but at least it won't be from tryptophan. (Tryptophan is the thing in turkey that supposedly makes you sleepy. Personally, I never believed this. I've been "prescribed" tryptophan supplements for insomnia and they didn't do a goddamn thing. I think what makes y0u sleepy is drinking all day, massively overeating, and then watching the original King Kong movie with relatives that make you slightly uncomfortable.)