The Big Scoop

I'd like to share with you my vast, silent majority a few prophecies for our unfolding epoch. I promise not to fill my manifesto with "Aha's", and "Presto!'s" like some armchair NYTimes Op-Ed writer. Some of these "prophecies" are really nothing more than wishful thinking but why not share them and hope all three of you will jump on the freedomwagon.

Fuel prices equal an increase in the cost of transportation. Although alot of our trade is nothing more than paper pushing, speculating, short selling, spit-swapping, circle jerk capitalism, much of it still bears some resemblance to good old barter. Specifically, I believe if gas prices continue to rise, local production, consumption (and trade) of commodities and goods will have to increase. Hopefully, this will roll back some of the vertigo inducing effects of globalization, foster community awareness, and restore some of our homegrown pride which is sagging like Bruce Springsteen's jowls (not to mention his ass) of late.

Additionally, the lower the value of the American dollar (which is sagging worse than Barbara Walter's face without a facelift) means that our exports become more attractive, providing further incentive for local production of goods.

You could compare the attitude of a nation to that of the fans of a baseball team. If you root for a team that invests heavily in free agents and that team succeeds you may become accustomed to success and expect it. However, when those investments inevitably falter the fans quickly turn against their team and acquire an attitude of cynicism and defeat. Sometimes the dissapointment of those failures can even overwhelm the joy of their initial success.

However, nothing brings more joy to the hearts of a team's fandom than that of a homegrown prospect rising up from the grass roots, through the minor leagues, and ultimately succeeding and bearing fruit at the major league level.

Similarly, Americans have become infatuated with free trade, home equity loans, cheap oil, borrowing from the Chinese, and cheap imports etc... These financial instruments have become the SUV's of capitalism. Up until now, the system has been working in our favor. Unfortunately, our big hitters are breaking down and it is no longer a given that our economy will win the pennant yet again.

The only answer is to turn our energy inwards. It is the mining of "American ingenuity" that will produce the great ideas, products, and advantages of the future. By calling up the young prospects we can ride out economic turbulence and restore pride in ourselves, overwhelming the political polarization that is currently paralyzing our progress.

With a little solidarity in the workforce the prevailing parties (Dems and Reps) will be forced to stop segmenting the American public by demographics and tailoring their messages to appeal to the broadest denominator. Life under the big umbrella may be dry and safe but nothing grows there and sooner or later, you have to move.

In short, hopefully we'll start eating the shit we grow, buying the shit we make, and selling whatever's left over. Maybe then everyone else will stop hating us and we'll start liking ourselves again.