Epilogue
Teresa leaves John. Heartbroken, John windsurfs across the English channel to France where he gives a speech about the corruption of the aristocracy and planting the seeds of a new revolution in America based on the French Revolution. He promptly dies of an undiagnosed perforated colon in the middle of his oration. Terry McAwful (as Rush calls him) moves to California and enrolls in dialect classes in order to learn how to speak english with an Austrian accent. No more flattened a's for him. Ted Kennedy goes on a bender and gains 20 lbs. (Okay, that would've happened anyway) The Kerry Daughters go on to become award winning documentary filmmakers. John Edwards goes on to become an exterminator and later, speaker of the house.
Quato, the half Iranian, half Klingon mutant that uses Dick Cheney's hollow chest cavity as his base of operations decides that he needs a more spacious undisclosed location and abandons his host's shell. Authorities are puzzled when they discover the Vice President has no internal organs during an autopsy.
NPR and PBS become National Protestant Radio and the Petroleum Broadcasting System respectively. The Swift Boat Veterans For Truth recieve a lifetime achievement award from President Bush (Jeb) for most effective political attack ad ever. Bozo goes on to write copy and be a segment producer for Al Gorezeera, the new left leaning cable news network. He is later terminated for excessive tardiness and goes through a period of drug addled depression. (oh wait, that already happened)
Al Gore, still bleeding from the ass after the 2000 election runs for president again and is again defeated. The day after the election it is revealed that Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert are actually republicans and there is no liberal media. The nation is stunned.
Finally, at a conservative rally a group of anarchists release hundreds of helium filled sex dolls. Thinking that rapture is upon them them the group, including George W. Bush, mistakenly commit mass suicide on national TV. The nation is stunned.
Quato, the half Iranian, half Klingon mutant that uses Dick Cheney's hollow chest cavity as his base of operations decides that he needs a more spacious undisclosed location and abandons his host's shell. Authorities are puzzled when they discover the Vice President has no internal organs during an autopsy.
NPR and PBS become National Protestant Radio and the Petroleum Broadcasting System respectively. The Swift Boat Veterans For Truth recieve a lifetime achievement award from President Bush (Jeb) for most effective political attack ad ever. Bozo goes on to write copy and be a segment producer for Al Gorezeera, the new left leaning cable news network. He is later terminated for excessive tardiness and goes through a period of drug addled depression. (oh wait, that already happened)
Al Gore, still bleeding from the ass after the 2000 election runs for president again and is again defeated. The day after the election it is revealed that Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert are actually republicans and there is no liberal media. The nation is stunned.
Finally, at a conservative rally a group of anarchists release hundreds of helium filled sex dolls. Thinking that rapture is upon them them the group, including George W. Bush, mistakenly commit mass suicide on national TV. The nation is stunned.
posted by El Bozo at 2:11 PM
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