Bush Eats Democrats' Testicles

Like our president, I have a gift for the "vision thing." Having correctly predicted that John Kerry would be elected president I feel obliged to share some of my soothsaying prowess from time to time. Here is the future as I foretell it:

2012 - President Bush, now in his third term, is named "Person Of The Year" by Time magazine for the 8th consecutive year.

2008 - SecDef Filowitz resigns unexpectedly, saying he "wants to spend more time with his family."

2006 - Democrats are ordered to turn in their testicles for "reasons of national security." Democratic leadership, not wanting to appear soft on terror, agrees saying, "It's not like we use them anyway." Purportedly, Pres. Bush likes to eat the testicles of his political adversaries in the fashion of Congo warlords and tribal chieftains.

2005 - Public schools barred from teaching the "theory" of evolution.

2004 - The mark of christ appears on baby stolen from dead mother's womb. People are said to be healed by touching the baby. Family charges $12.95 per miracle.