New Bin Laden Tape

Oh Americans, can't you see that social security needs to be fixed? You would be wise not to fire Don Rumsfeld otherwise I might get you. I too am tired of these activist judges who want the gays to control everything. And it was right to let the assault weapons ban expire. See? God is great. Merry Christmas...
Glory Be To God!

-UBL

The CIA has not yet authenticated this tape, however the troops have all the armor they need.