OHHHHHH YEAHHHHH!!!!

Bowp Bowp. Chick - Chick - i - Chi-Ka.

Irony

Today was Sept. 11th. It's not anymore because it's 2:40am and I'm just getting around to it. If I have to observe another moment of silence I'm going to scream. In fact, the only thoughts I have while enduring these contrived tokens of solemnity make me want to scream. The main one being that Osama been-livin'- Large is probably clinking ceramic chalices full of fermented camel piss with his cadre of sycophants, one-eyed sheiks and peg-legged mullahs right now, relishing the glory of their ongoing victory.

What do we get? A warm glass of shut-the-fuck-up from our leaders, a kick in the balls from the media, and a tiny little American flag (made in China undoubtedly) to wave with patriotic abandon. Let us pray.

Although I resisted all week, I finally succumbed to watching a few minutes of one of those "9/11" docu-specials. Big mistake. In the one I was watching there was a cameraman who had gotten into the plaza between the towers after they were both hit but before they fell. Apparently they used to pipe Muzak into that space and incredibly it was still playing. Then they started to show the people jumping, falling, dying. There was one guy who was climbing out the window, you could see the fire and black smoke chasing him out onto the ledge. He had some kind of rope or something and was starting to climb down. He got a few feet but then lost his grip.

I was totally shattered watching this. I've had dreams of falling to my death, and remember the feeling of knowing, at that instant, that your life is about to end. Except for me it was a night mare, for those people it was real.

No injustice America ever commited against "Islam" could ever be rendered just by such an insane action. If we were smart we'd make a montage of people jumping to their death out of the Twin Towers and then ask Al Jazeera to play it. Then we could rhetorically ask the viewers if they think this is justified under Islam, or if it is "god's will," and if this is what they want to accomplish with there lives, and if they think creating unimaginable horror will get them into heaven.

And then we should drop a nuclear bomb on all of them. Fuckers!

No seriously, none of this shit really matters because Jesus is COMIN' BACK! I mean the check's in the fucking mail folks, fuhgeddaboutit.

Crikey!

As usual, my perspective on whatever event our filthy, pathetic, pandering, intentionally distracting, distorting, misleading media happen to be saturating our lives with is a little less rose colored than say, Paula Zahn's.

I think this crocodile guy got what's been coming to him for a long time. I always thought he was a crude facsimile of an Australian stereotype: "the rugged outdoorsman i.e Crocodile Dundee."

It would be kind of like Geraldo running around in a leather hat and a whip at his side excavating "lost tombs" like he was Indiana Jones or something.

I always thought the crocodile guy was a bogus animal lover/naturalist or whatever the fuck he was. Like that perfectly happy crocodile NEEDED to be wrestled into submission on TV by 12 human beings and attached with a radio tag about the size of small cell phone tower.

I think his legacy will be simply, "what an idiot."

His creepy, over-enthusiasm always made me cringe. I guess it subliminally provoked in me a despondency that our culture (anglo-phonic white males) has lost so much virility that overcompensaters like him (Bush is another one) get placed on the highest pedestal by the corporate media.

You know who I think they should've made a TV show about? Richard Cole, Led Zeppelin's old road manager. He fucked a girl with a shark in a motel room. Now that's an animal lover.

While you were busy mourning this tragic loss here's a rather important story you probably missed.

Defending Our Way Of Life

Luckily, they have Burger King kiosks at most military bases now so the troops can be reminded of the freedom they are defending. The freedom to eat a QUADRUPLE bacon cheeseburger. According to some website it has the following nutritional info:

"BK Stackers Quad is 4 beef patties, 4 slices of American cheese, 8 strips of bacon, and BK Stacker Sauce (featuring high fructose corn syrup!) all on a sesame seed bun. It weighs 311 grams and has 1000 calories, 620 calories from fat, 68 grams of fat, 30 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of the dreaded trans fat, 240 mg of cholesterol, 1800 mg of sodium, 34 grams of carbs, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugars and 62 grams of protein."

I suggest washing it down with some Drano so your family doesn't have to waste money caring for you after your stroke/heart attack.

Why I Hardly Blog Anymore

1. Girlfriend

2. Now that the revolution that I started has achieved all its goals (Bush out of office, justice for all) what's the point?

3. Internet poker.

4. I simply can't keep up with the overwhelming amount of feedback I get from all over the world (you know who you are). Sorry I can't thank you all.

5. My sleeping pillzzzzzz are kiiickkingg innnnnn....

Postscript: Just wanted to leave this thought with you. We're the bad guys. If they could make a fried chicken flavored cigarrette I'd smoke it till the day I died. If I don't put a picture in you dickheads probably don't even read this far.