Bird Flu Virus Originates In Chicken Hawks

Before Donald Rumsfeld became the worst SecDef we've ever had he was the HNIC of a company called Gilead Sciences from 1997 until 2001. Gilead is the company that manufactures Tamiflu (the antidote for bird flu). He still holds between "5 and 25 million dollars worth of stock." (click title for story)

The Bush Quiz (click link)

A funny, yet informative quiz. The answers don't really matter because it's all more or less true.

A Question Mark...

Among a hundred mirrors
before yourself false...
strangled in your own net
Self-knower!
Self-executioner!
crammed between two nothings,
a question mark...

-Nietzsche

Late Night Flow...

When the bird flu hits... I'll be on a nuclear powered train drinking from my whiskey flask confessing to my spam-bot lover that I'm really not a therapist, but in fact a hair replacement salesman. When the lights go down in the city... I'll be out in the suburbs spraypainting my Guernica on the underpass. Meanwhile uptown - all the kids who moved to New York from Oklahoma so they could walk around and feel like the stars of their own cut-and-paste commercial are laughing because they've got the secret antitode and they won't tell me what it is.

If I should succumb I hereby bequeath any money in my pocket and any whiskey in my flask to the first bum that finds me.

When I die and go to heaven the first thing I'm going to ask god is why kids these days insist on tYPInG tHINgS lIKe tHIs i DOn'T uNDERsTAND iT.

"How the fuck do these things catch on?

You old fucking geezer."

Why I Like Spam-bots...

Because they comment on my blog.

When The Lights Go Down In The City

I just saw the uncut version of the New Orleans beat-down on Crooksandliars.com (see my links I just added it). This is the first time I've really seen all of it, with the sound. I hate the way they (CNN etc...) either don't play the sound, or don't really play the whole thing even though they say it's unedited.

Anyway, how'd you like to get the shit kicked out of you by a bunch of cops in the middle of the street while some cover band plays "When The Lights Go Down In The City" by Journey? Because that's what happened. Also, you can hear a passerby ask the cameraman if he got it on tape and then say, "he surrendered, then they punched him in the back of the head and that's when he started fighting."

My opinion: 1. The guy was fucked up on something. 2. As someone who's been handcuffed more than a few times I know firsthand there's a way to avoid getting fisted by the Finest, simply let go and don't resist at all when they cuff you. 3. The guy got more than he deserved. 4. I like the original version of "When The Lights Go Down In The City" better than the cover, and that's not saying much.

Bird Flu Found In Turkey

Oh my god. What are we going to do about thanksgiving? Oh wait... you mean... the country? Oh I get it. We're still all going to die horrible agonizing deaths as our organs are liquified and bleed out of our orafices onto the lily-white death smocks of Christ-like nurses - but at least it won't be from tryptophan. (Tryptophan is the thing in turkey that supposedly makes you sleepy. Personally, I never believed this. I've been "prescribed" tryptophan supplements for insomnia and they didn't do a goddamn thing. I think what makes y0u sleepy is drinking all day, massively overeating, and then watching the original King Kong movie with relatives that make you slightly uncomfortable.)

Whiskey Season

Winter's approaching, or as I like to call it, Whiskey Season. Right now we're in the middle of a blessed little Indian Summer, nevertheless I prefer to get a head start. (I tend to write more during whiskey season).

We have a groundhog here on our little farm. I see his fat ass waddling away every morning when I open the door. I've found several of his "undisclosed locations" in different areas of the yard. Based on the amount of holes, and the distance in between each one, I imagine he's got quite an elaborate little subterranean system. Everyday I'm tempted to shoot him with my pellet gun. But I kind of like the company so I don't think I will.

We had a huge party here a couple weekends ago. It was an absolute success and the buzz lasted a full week among the housemates. We had a full concert in our yard including two lasers, a fog machine, and three live bands. We had a chick asking guys to pee on her, and we had lesbians getting it on in the living room. We had three kegs and cooked just about everyone a hamburger or hot dog. (All for only $5).

Of course, after the second band the cops came. I don't blame them what we were doing was totally ridiculous. They told us if they have to come back it's an automatic $500 fine. We had a quick pow-wow among the chiefs and a unanimous "Fuck It!" was declared. The third band took the stage and absolutely killed it. Some people who came later told me they could hear it from the main street in town which is about 3/4 of a mile away.

Unsurprisingly, the cops came back. We got fined $500 but didn't despair. We simply made an announcement and asked everyone for donations. I heard someone say, "this is like the party you see in the movies that never happens."

I definitely enjoyed watching the cop storm up our driveway, push everyone out of the way and tap the guitar player (our roommate Paul) on the shoulder to get his attention. He just thought it was someone saying "way to go man" and kept on playing for a few seconds. Finally he looked up and that was that.

When we realized that we had collected enough dough to cover our fine (special thanks to the pee-chick for donating about $200) I told some guy and he said, "that's awesome, you totally just shat on them!"

The next day a hawk came and perched on a tree limb in our yard for a few minutes. That had not happened before and hasn't happened since. It felt distinctly like a message.

We drank the dregs of the last keg for two more days, keeping it on ice constantly and feeling warm, sharp, and bad as hell.

If you want to know more about the lesbians you'll just have to come to our next party.

Peace!