Fuck Yeah Dude!

I Just Took A Picture Of My Own Ass

It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Capote N' Flow

Saw both of them. "Capote" was Phillip Seymour Hoffman talking in a falsetto lisp for 3 hours and a bunch of really disturbing shit.

"Hustle N' Flow" was an average movie whose supposedly "uplifting" message does nothing but reinforce the sterotype that no black kid can have any hope unless he is a pimp/drug dealer/rapper. The same message that MTV has won brand dominance with.

I think MTV is as evil, or more evil than FOX News. I think they both have an agenda and it is to poke, probe, exploit and exhort our basest and most animalistic tendencies because the response is predictable and therefore, profitable.

This agenda is not codefied, written, spoke of, acknowledged, or even conscious. It is intuitive. Pond scum just somehow congregates. No one really sees it happen.

Snore...ZZZ

I was just thinking -loathe as I am to wax patriotic or nostalgic- about American history and how it is -viewed from afar- pretty glorious. Once, our darkest hour was probably the whole Civil Rights-Vietnam-Watergate era, and yet to me those were the most vivid and important times.

Contemplating that era now is like looking at an X Ray of the American psyche. I don't know what that means but is sounded cool when I was writing it. Anyway, as troubled as those times were they were equally glorious.

And now here we are today. No Marvin Gaye singing, "What's Going On," no counterculture to balance the Orwellian Frankenstein government/media bohemoth. (I wish there was a way to spell the way Steven Wright pronounces "bohemoth" in his role as the DJ of Super Sounds of the Seventies in "Reservoir Dogs." It's kind of like "bo-hweem-th.")

By the way, there is entirely too much punctuation in the English language, it should be periods, commas and quotes.

I remember when I came back from my meditation retreat in 2000. I was meditating like 1-2 hours a day. Which doesn't by the way mean shit except that you're really unhappy. And by far the most recurring, intrusive thought was that "Oh-my-fucking-god-if-fucking-George-Bush-wins-the-fucking-presidency-we-are-fucking-fucked. Seriously." I got absolutely no self benefit out of the whole thing. This cold front of black clouds just kept overtaking me yet I felt it was inevitable (that he would win).

...And so begins the darkest chapter in American History (and the point of this post alas). One can flip through the High School Yearbook of American history and find a reason to smile and reminisce with some degree of joy on almost every page, until you get to now. Now is an American Nightmare. It is truly horrible yet somehow fake. Like a silicone tit that's sprung a leak.

Click Me, Oh God Click Me!!!

Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien

Jay Leno
This is also spring break in Iraq. Did you know that? It's just like here: half the people are getting bombed the other half are getting stoned.

Mexican President Vicente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction.

Senator Russ Feingold, who I believe is running for president, he is from Wisconsin, said over the weekend that he is pushing the Senate to censure President Bush for spying. Bush said today that he knew this was coming because he has been listening to Feingold's calls for the last three months.

David Letterman

Friday is St. Patrick's Day. This is the one day a year that the mayor turns over control of our ports to leprechauns.

Conan O'Brien

Saddam Hussein has called his trial in Baghdad a comedy. NBC later called Saddam and asked him what he was doing on Thursday nights.

In his first interview since the Olympics, Bode Miller says that he has received many letters calling him a disgrace to the country. To give you an idea of how bad it is — most of the letters came from Tonya Harding.

Legendary newsman Mike Wallace announced that he is retiring from "60 Minutes" at the age of 87. When asked why, Wallace said that he wants to spend more time with his grandchildren now that they've also retired.